Freedom or Dependence in 2012? Many of today's parents give their children too many choices, thereby dis-empowering their own role in the relationship.
Freedom or Dependence in 2012?
Many of today's parents
give their children too many choices, thereby
dis-empowering their own role in the relationship.
We overprotect our children because we don't want
them to feel disappointment and frustration.
So we frequently yield to their wishes, allowing
them unlimited choices and soliciting the child's
opinion on small and large decisions. A power
struggle results.
In 2012, freedom and dependence will be felt in
all our relationships.
This is a 5 Universal Year, a period of decisions
and making choices that are sometimes tough.
There are two ways we can take away balance and
create power-struggles in a relationship. Both
remove the natural result of feeling a Consequence
based on a choice we make on our own.
The first is giving power to a person who is not
ready to assume the decision-making position.
For example, when a 5-year-old throws a tantrum
because he wants to wear his Halloween costume to
school the next day and his parent finally gives
up trying to convince the child that this is not a
good idea and follows his child's wishes.
Accumulated moments like this set up an imbalance,
a lack of mutual recognition between parent and
child.
The result: the child is never given an
opportunity to overcome disappointment, to deal
with frustration and strengthen his will.
The second way we remove freedom and create
imbalance is when we dis-empower another person by
setting up an addictive pattern where he or she
has to rely on YOU for answers.
This one is tricky, because all of us like to
help others when we see them in discomfort.
However, it is when we ourselves feel unworthy
that our help creates a pattern of dependence.
When you give a person the help she asks for as
opposed to the help YOU want to give, you are
setting her up for success.
If you give her the help that you feel she needs,
as opposed to what SHE is asking you for, you are
setting up a pattern of dependence. This pattern
may make you feel powerful and worthy, but it will
dis-empower the other person whom you're trying to
help.
You have essentially created a power-trip for
yourself rather than compassionate support.
This is a tough one! Because it means being
absolutely clear about your motivations when you
intercede to 'help' someone else.
A power-trip allow you to feel worthy. It
literally creates an emotional 'high'. So it is
addictive. You are allowing someone else to make
YOU responsible for them.
But it is creating the opposite of Freedom - you
are making the person Dependent, not In-dependent.
Now, in 2012, it is time to empower others by
allowing them to fail or succeed as they please.
Three words that have helped me tremendously are:
"As You Wish."
Embrace your need to help another beyond his or
her wishes, and you will set yourself free too.
Saying "As you wish," allows the pattern of
dependence and manipulation to dissipate
in an instant.
It's time to claim 2012 as your year of Freedom -
on all fronts.
In : Year 2012
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